Previously on Warehouse 13...
We have competition.
MacPherson. Who?
Leena, I know him.
He was Joshua's physics professor. Professor Reynolds.
The Phoenix.
Those who touch the Phoenix, they will be spared.
What is it?
It looks like Claudia was the last one
to have access to the Phoenix.
The Thimble.
James MacPherson, you're under arrest.
We'll put him in the Bronze Sector.
What we do is we flash freeze the bodies cryogenically
and we preserve them by bronzing.
Something's wrong.
Turn around.
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you for remembering our appointment.
Artie!
Wait! Wait! Wait for us!
Artie!
Do you think there is any way he could have survived?
I don't know.
Quickly, we don't have much time.
Why?
Huh? Why didn't he wait for us?
What are we going to do?
Top of my list is kill that son of a bitch MacPherson.
Oh, my God.
Pete.
Pete, what is that?
I don't know. Get back over here, it might be...
No, I don't... I don't think it is.
Oh, my God.
Are you getting a vibe?
A good one.
So that's how it works.
Artie!
Artie? Hey.
Ah!
Oh, my God, it's really you.
You scared the hell out of us.
We thought for sure you were a goner.
I'm all right. I'm fine. It's just that I don't know how I...
I've never been so happy to see you.
Oh, thanks. I'm good. I'm good.
Oh, God.
I know.
But, Artie, how could you possibly have survived?
The Phoenix?
Wait a minute. If you used the Phoenix,
that means someone's going to die, right?
One of us? I don't know.
But, Artie...
Pete? Pete! No, no, no.
Pete! Artie, do something!
Just hang on! Hang on! Artie!
No. I'm okay. No, I was choking.
It was dust or something.
You're okay?
Yeah, just...
Oh, God.
What, was I choking on you, Artie? That's...
Ugh!
Are you all right?
Artie, if it's not Pete,
then, um...
Mrs. Frederic!
Mrs. Frederic's in there. Artie!
I got to get her out!
Artie, wait! Wait!
What is that? There!
So it was Mrs. Frederic, then.
I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
Did you have any trouble?
No. But I'd recommend 24 hours isolation from light.
I'll contact you with instructions.
Until then, you know what to do.
Yes. I'll take care of it all.
Come on, old friend.
You've got a great deal to catch up on.
Welcome to the future.
Let's change it, shall we?
This is my fault.
If I hadn't kissed the Phoenix then your driver would be alive
and you wouldn't be...
I'm sorry.
We need you.
Find Claudia.
Joshua...
MacPherson's playing the long game.
Rewind it again.
- Again. - No.
I don't want to watch any more of that. I mean, look,
I don't believe that Claudia would...
Come on, Myka, that can't be right.
Look, I know it's hard, Pete, but it's right there in front of us.
Okay, maybe MacPherson did do something to her but she's gone.
She ran.
Innocent people don't run.
Whoa. Leena, what's wrong?
Are you okay?
Yes. I...
It's nothing.
Leena, we got to replace that umbilicus.
I cannot do those stairs 15 times a day.
Artie, what... Artie, what did you find out about...
Look, look, look, listen.
Claudia popped up on the grid.
Looks like she's headed to Switzerland.
Switzerland, why?
It's to CERN. It's to CERN. It's that nuclear research place where Joshua works.
He is her only family.
She's got no place else left to go.
And listen, if Claudia and Joshua are...
No.
...if they are both working for MacPherson now...
No, no. She's not. I know she's not and so do you, Artie.
Pete, nobody wants to believe it, all right?
But that's irrelevant. Now look, while I'm gone,
I want both of you...
Wait, wait, you're going to CERN now?
Yes, of course.
Then we're going with you. You bet your ass.
No, absolutely not. You have to go over this place
with a fine-toothed comb.
MacPherson has had hours, hours of unfettered access.
God only knows
what that man has done.
So start in the Bronze Sector,
and retrace his steps and maybe, maybe
that will tell us where he is right now.
Artie, just be careful, okay?
I mean, we don't know much, but we know that MacPherson is out there and...
He already killed you once.
Yeah.
I got to go.
This thing is useless, okay? I'm getting nothing.
The Durational Spectrometer
only reads energy shadows from the last five hours.
You okay?
Yeah. Yeah, I am now.
Five hours ago I would have screamed like a little girl.
Pete? Yeah.
Look at this.
It looks like something heavy was dragged through here.
Something heavy, and something bronze.
So what? You think our Jimmy took a play date?
If there's a history log in here, we could look up... There.
This says that the de-bronze function was activated twice.
Okay, so one's for MacPherson, but who's our mystery guest?
Well, let's...
This place just gets more interesting every day.
I don't get it.
Why H.G. Wells? What does MacPherson want with him?
All I can find on the Bronze Sector is a list of its residents
and H.G. Wells isn't even on that list.
Yeah, I mean if that place is reserved for the worst of the worst,
what is Wells even doing in there?
Maybe there's a clue in one of Wells' books because our library is amazing.
I know. First editions of everything that's ever been printed.
Does that include comic books?
Really? That's your first thought?
No, but you definitely wouldn't like my first thought.
You're right.
Did you know that my dad used to read me H. G. Wells when I was a kid?
Yeah, nothing like a little War of the Worlds to put a toddler to sleep.
You've read War of the Worlds?
Uh, no, but I saw the movie. Tom Cruise was awesome!
Oh, and Brando in Island of Doctor Moreau,
"I could have been a scientist."
Great, great, now all we need is Angelina to do A Modern Utopia
and you'll be all caught up.
Yahtzee. It was broken into.
What was?
The H.G. Wells home museum in London three months ago,
but interesting, nothing was taken.
If you're looking for something in H.G. Wells' house and you can't find it,
why not ask H.G. Wells?
MacPherson used Claudia to gain access to Wells.
You watch, we're going to find out she's in the clear. Okay, let's go.
Well, go where?
To London. I got a vibe about this thing. I bet Wells is there.
Let's go to London. That's what I'm talking about.
Joshua, thank God you're there.
Where are you? That doesn't look like...
Listen to me. Okay.
You remember Professor Reynolds from college?
Yeah, of course.
Okay. His real name is MacPherson.
What? What are you...
- And he's actually... - Miss, you about done there?
It's really complicated,
and they're gonna kick me off this thing in a sec.
But listen, if he tries to contact you,
do not trust him. Okay?
He's a bad, bad guy.
And maybe I am, too, I don't know.
Claudia.
Claud, what's going on?
I'll explain when I get there.
Here? You're going to come to CERN?
There's no place else to go, okay?
I can't go back to Artie and I'm not going back
to the International House of nut jobs.
Joshua, are you busy?
No, Dr. LeFevre, please come in.
I know I sound crazy.
I'll see you soon. Love you.
Yeah, love you, too.
Sorry, Doctor, that's my sister.
Joshua, I'm going to be raising your clearance level.
I want your help removing some material from the lab.
Of course. Yeah, Doctor, anything you say.
Doctor.
So was H.G. Wells one of the Munsters? This place is a dump.
How do you not have jet lag?
Because I slept on the plane.
I mean, how many times can you watch Marley & Me?
It's so sad.
Right. Let's all gather around, shall we?
We're going to get started.
I told you we should've had this place closed and locked down.
No, no, no, that'd be like shooting off a big flare.
"Hey, H.G., looky here, we're waiting for you."
Sorry. Hi.
Hello.
Pete. We are working.
Working it, okay? You know how long it's been? Way too.
There's no reason for me not to get my
groove on. Pete, look at this.
"Edward Prendick."
Bet junior high was fun for him, huh?
No, from The Island of Doctor Moreau.
You would know him as Marlon Brando.
H.G. Is here.
The actual inspiration for the Heat Ray came from a tour of Big Ben
I was given by Her Majesty, Victoria.
Lovely woman, terrible breath.
You got to admit this guy's got some cojones.
Pete, wait... All right, Wells, show's over.
I beg your pardon?
Sorry, ma'am. Government business.
United States Secret Service.
You don't look like much of a threat to me, but if MacPherson wants you out,
then we want you in. Now let's go.
How dare you? Take your hands off me.
You two, I thought you might be trouble, coming in late.
Ma'am, we apologize. No, we don't.
Yes, we do, Pete. He's an impersonator.
We don't know that. The best place to hide is right out in the open.
He has a fake mustache.
All right?
Name's Walter Frith.
Americans. H.G. Wells died in 1946.
Myka, I'm really vibing out here, okay? And I don't like it.
Ma'am, can I speak with you outside, please?
Yes, I'd like to speak with you.
Oh!
Artie, what the hell?
You're fired.
We're really very sorry about this.
You can come back tomorrow.
Yeah, sorry, guys. Thank you. Sorry.
Sorry. Thank you. Sorry. Nice jacket.
Hey, sorry about the mustache thing. It was...
Okay.
Okay, so if nobody in this group signed in as Edward Prendick,
that means that Wells must have come and gone already.
All right, so maybe we can find out what he took.
Hey, so what did you say to Mary Poppins, anyway?
Oh, I just told her that you were a mental patient
who thought he was Wells' long-lost boyfriend.
No, you didn't.
Did you?
Nice. That's not even funny.
Do you think that he could still be using her in somehow?
There's my access address... If he wants it... Just toggle back to the last person...
This place is my home. I would never do anything...
Claudia, I'm sorry.
I would never do anything...
That's probably why they bronzed him. Neanderthals.
Oh, oh! Oh, man, no...
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't know anyone was still here and...
I didn't know it was you and I'm sorry.
No, I do beg your pardon,
I seem to have left my notebook here.
Yeah. We left in such a hurry.
Right. Yeah, that was...
That was kind of our fault, so I'm really sorry.
I'll just come back another...
No, no, no, no. Uh, let me help you out.
You know, hands across the water and all that.
Yeah.
Well, that's very sweet of you.
Some Americans really are quite nice.
Yeah, for a Brit, you ain't half bad yourself.
"What? What?"
If I had a Farnsworth, you easily could have called me.
Why call when I can fly 5,000 miles in coach?
Ow. What did you hit me with?
Nothing. My hand.
What are you doing here anyway?
If I'm some kind of freaky double agent,
I have to be as far away... Okay, first,
are you planning on running for the rest of your life?
Because that's what it's going to take to get me off your back.
I'm sorry.
I needed to see Joshua. I needed to see somebody who knows me.
And second, why can't you just trust me?
I'm kind of smart.
Maybe the two of us can figure this out.
You know, and I know you, too, kiddo.
So you think maybe I'm not a double agent?
I think maybe I can take the risk. Don't make me regret it.
Okay. Because I'm not, you know.
We'll see. Ah, that was not your hand.
No, it wasn't. Okay.
Oh! First thing,
we have to make sure Professor Reynolds hasn't gotten to Joshua.
I figure if he got to me, he might try to go for Josh...
MacPherson is Reynolds.
Yeah, you already know that. I know, I know it,
but I didn't really think about it because
when the position first came up at CERN, the director mentioned the name Reynolds.
No! Yes.
I didn't know at the time that MacPherson was Reynolds.
That's what she meant by, "He's playing the long game."
We have to get to CERN immediately.
That's what I've been saying.
I'm Pete by the way.
Helena.
You know, I think our two countries might be able to work out their differences.
I'd say we're well on our way to detente.
Fill me in.
Well, hello to you, too. Where are you?
Geneva. Fill me in.
We're... We're in London.
I told you to stay at the Warehouse.
Will there ever come a time when the two of you, anyone for that matter,
does as they are told?
Artie, look, MacPherson de-bronzed H.G. Wells.
What?
Wait.
Is everything all right?
No. No.
I got a really bad feeling.
Pete.
In here.
Pete, Artie says that H.G. Wells is actually...
A woman.
A really hot woman. Maybe good with a gun.
Yeah, he left out the gun part.
Okay, so H.G. Wells is actually a woman.
I'm going to have to process this.
Yeah, well, make it fast, will you?
And could you please be careful with that?
Okay, it's a Tesla, and up close it just might be...
Lethal.
I know all about it.
I brought it to the Warehouse.
You what?
I was apprenticed at Warehouse 12.
Nikola Tesla and I met at the Chicago World Fair in 1893.
You are rocking my world, lady.
Perhaps you'd like to tell me why you're ransacking my home.
Ransacking your home?
Well, that has a distinctive ring tone to it.
What does that mean?
Oh, it's an American expression
that means, "Gotcha."
C is for cookie That's good enough for me
I'll take that.
I'd hate to have to hit a sweet old Victorian lady.
I, on the other hand, have no problem shooting one.
Oh, cookie, cookie Cookie starts with C
You know, it was just rude.
I thought English people were supposed to be polite.
Why are you protecting James MacPherson?
He tried to kill the both of us
and believe me, he will turn on you.
Don't they all? Who?
Men. Eventually.
Neanderthals.
You know, for somebody who's been unconscious for 100 years,
you've really held on to some anger.
Not unconscious.
Just immobile. Right.
What? You mean while you're bronzed, you're awake?
We didn't know that.
Offers a lady time to think.
So what did you come here for?
Yeah, look, you either tell us what and where it is
or watch us tear this whole place apart looking for it.
Pull out the second drawer down on the right.
Empty it out, turn it over.
Pull open the panel on the back.
What's this?
Go over to the bottom set of shutters.
Grasp the top inner vents on each side and close them simultaneously.
Un, deux, trois.
And voila.
That will show you the hiding place
Mr. MacPherson had so much trouble locating.
Here we go.
Hey-o!
"Put the candle back."
Young Frankenstein.
Never mind.
Okay, just keep her covered, Pete.
So do you want to tell us about this?
It's a family heirloom.
Right. Why did MacPherson want it?
I have no idea.
Pete, the wiring on the vest
matches the wiring on the switch.
Yeah, the wiring on the vest
matches the wiring on the switch.
That has nothing to do with the vest.
Oh, of course we believe you.
Yeah, right, why wouldn't we?
You want to do the honors? I do.
Oh, what the hell?
Thank goodness these things haven't changed much.
How come you're not affected?
Magnetic boots. Specially made.
That explains why my head still hurts.
I guess we know now why they bronzed you.
Don't speculate upon things about which you know nothing.
Ooh, there's that anger again.
Well, there must be some reason why they bronzed you.
The world was a different place.
A century ago, it was easier to believe
in the possibility of a time machine
than of the reality that a woman thought one up.
Well, if you wrote those novels then who was H.G. Wells?
My brother Charles was the writer.
I supplied the ideas, the research.
Charles supplied the mustache.
Oh, hey, I'm digging the iron vest, by the way.
It brings out your eyes.
Who's angry now?
So do all your dates work out this way?
On a scale of one to ten, I'm giving this one a seven.
Is this Joshua's department?
The anti-matter storage facility is part of this building somewhere.
I just... I don't know where. This place is huge.
Josh! Joshua!
Claudia!
Wait a minute!
What? I'm a what?
Get off me!
Are you all right?
Claudia, what's happening?
Joshua, give me the briefcase.
Claudia, his hand! Look at this hand!
Thanks for all your help.
Joshua!
I'll admit it. I thought she was hot,
but she's also obviously a...
Cavorite.
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure she was that, too.
No, Cavorite was an anti-gravity metal that Wells wrote about
but Cavorite doesn't exist.
I mean, there's no such thing.
Myka, in this job, there's no such thing as "no such thing."
We just met the female H.G. Wells, for crying out loud.
Good point.
So how do we shut down Cavorite?
Maybe she ran some sort of electric current through it to increase its properties?
Right. What the hell, then?
What are you doing?
Fighting fire with fire. What?
If I could just
ram the Tesla into this...
Hold on. Or don't.
Oh!
That's a high ceiling.
Yeah!
Artie. We have a problem.
Yeah, Artie, so do we. She got away.
Yeah, she took off in this, I don't know, cool, iron steampunky vest thing.
It looked more like an artifact than a fashion choice.
He's fine. He's fine. Come here. Come here.
Hack in, run a search on H.G. Wells inventions,
specifically those not in the Warehouse. On it.
Now, listen... Are you with Claudia?
Is she okay? Where did you find her?
Guys, I'm okay. Joshua broke his leg...
All right, everybody stop.
Bigger fish.
Now, did you actually talk to H. G. Wells? What is she up to?
She? Later.
She really wasn't very talkative.
Artie, did you know that when you're bronzed you can still think?
Yes. All right, check it.
"The Imperceptor Vest. Wearer can move fast enough to be imperceptible
"to the naked eye."
I don't know. She had it on, nothing happened.
I would have thought she'd have used it.
Well, is it operational?
According to the schematics, it needs a small but very powerful energy source.
Which wouldn't have existed 100 years ago.
- But she probably can find one now. - Yeah.
Like, for instance, anti-matter.
I still don't understand why she needs the vest.
The Escher Vault.
That's why they need the anti-matter,
to power the vest to get through the Escher Vault.
And what is the Escher Vault?
It's where the personal effects are kept of anyone who's been bronzed,
and to get through that, she would need something like the Imperceptor.
So where's the vault?
It's in the Warehouse.
They're going back to the Warehouse. He knew we would follow him.
He wants the Warehouse empty. You stupid...
Artie, if Claudia's not the breach,
and it's obvious that you don't think she is,
that leaves only...
Leena.
Mrs. Frederic, you're here.
So it would appear.
Are you all right?
I thought you were supposed to be in the hospital.
When the explosion happened, where were you, exactly?
I was at the Warehouse.
You don't remember. You've been having lapses, blackouts,
sometimes you even wake up in a different place.
How do you know that?
Look at me.
What was that?
As I suspected.
Drink this. Not too much.
What is it?
Absinthe.
You tried to kill me.
Yeah, sorry about that.
But I had no choice. There's no other way to remove the pearl.
The pearl? What are you talking about?
The pearl of wisdom. MacPherson must have planted it
in your inner ear weeks ago.
Do you recall a night when you had bad dreams?
Yes.
Yes, over a month ago. Horrible nightmares.
That was the pearl attaching itself.
If a person uses it properly, they can control your thoughts and movements.
No, but the tape. It was Claudia who de-bronzed MacPherson.
Think. See it clearly now.
Harriet Tubman's thimble.
It was me. Mrs. Frederic, it was me.
It's done.
Why are you wearing those beads?
Well, if I remove them, my blood will eat through my own veins.
Oh.
Little gift from an old friend.
We have to assume they're not too far behind us.
Not to worry. I've created a few diversions just in case.
There.
The anti-matter's attached.
Let's see if this works or if it kills me. Shall we?
Behind you.
I'm impressed.
So pleased it didn't kill you.
That seemed very easy.
Access to the Escher Vault is not the issue.
Twenty years ago, a curious agent entered the vault and hasn't been heard from since.
I do hope you don't run into him.
We're taking the long way around.
MacPherson will expect us to take the most direct route.
How'd we beat Pete and Myka back?
Something to do with destruction of historical landmarks.
I spoke to Scotland Yard.
Anyway, you left the packet out for them, right? On your desk.
Why do MacPherson and Wells need the vest? Why can't they just walk in?
Because the Escher Vault is a maze of stairs and walkways,
constantly rapidly moving. If you don't have a way to navigate it,
you're lost in there for a lifetime.
Now, if Wells can figure out a way to make the vest operational,
she can move quickly enough to get right through it.
So what if we de-activate everything...
Claudia, either run or lecture. I cannot do both.
This is running?
Wait.
Something is off.
How can you tell?
Take a whiff.
Fudge.
Right there.
Boom goes the dynamite.
Yeah. Chameleon Mines. They blend into the landscape so you can't see them.
MacPherson.
Yeah. We're going to have to find an alternate route.
Again? I don't smell fudge.
I have to think like him.
He knew I would make it this far.
He knew I would test it and he will expect me to turn around so...
Wait. Now you've got me doing it.
Look. Dante's death mask.
So?
So I do a lot of inventory. It doesn't belong there.
Nice catch.
How come it didn't go off before?
Because we triggered it on the way through,
he wants to box us in and he's done that.
Okay, well, the flames only go up eight rows.
All we have to do is climb 20, run across the top and climb down.
All we have to do?
On the upside, you'll be able to work off
some of those extra pounds you've been griping about.
Devil child.
When do I get one of those?
Two weeks after never.
Artie, what's going on?
Great. You're back. Now listen to me,
do not deviate one iota from what I'm about to tell you.
Got it, Artie, we're on our way.
Wait. Wait. This place is full of booby traps.
You're going to have to take a long circuitous route. Aside from that, hurry!
Or...
Ooh. Yeah.
Hey, if you're going to grab me like that, I need some sweet talk.
Just shut up and drive!
Watch out! We're going to hit that.
It should be me driving.
Would you just let me steer?
Or that. That works, too.
Oh, did you get it?
Mission accomplished.
Where's the vest?
I left it behind. It was spent.
Well, then. All said and done, it wasn't terribly difficult.
Hmm.
Before we go, should we celebrate?
What exactly did you have in mind?
Oh, you really are the most unpredictable woman.
Took you long enough. I thought I was going to have to kiss that.
Oh.
Game over, huh?
A long way to go for nothing, hey, James?
I still have some bargaining left.
Wells is still in the vault, Arthur.
I know what the plan is. Let me go!
I'll tell you everything.
I'm disappointed but not surprised.
James!
I knew you'd use it.
Use what?
The Phoenix. You put it in my pocket.
I wanted you to see what I saw.
The darkness.
The emptiness.
That it's all for nothing.
No, James, I saw light and peace. I felt nothing but hope.
- Hope? - Yeah.
But all this time I thought I knew the truth.
I'm sorry, Arthur.
So she's gone. There's absolutely no trace of her.
None.
I found the vest outside.
So is she dangerous? I mean, do we really need to find her?
Yes. And absolutely.
We can't just have H.G. Wells wandering around the world.
No, no, no, no, no. We let her out, got to put her back.
It was completely different. That is so disgusting.
You're acting like I did this on purpose.
Totally not true.
If anybody should be shell-shocked about this, I think it should be me.
I don't see it that way, since I was the victim here.
You? You were the victim?
Yeah. Glad you're seeing it my way.
You wanted to talk to me about something?
Claudia, go easy.
We've all been through a lot.
Worst case of identity theft ever.
All right. Maybe this will help.
No way!
Does this mean I'm an agent now?
No. It means I can reach you any time of day or night.
Okay. Not as good.
Just be careful. It belonged to Philo.
Philo? As in Philo Farnsworth?
She gets Farnsworth's Farnsworth.
Artie.
Don't lose it.
Okay.
Hey, thanks. Thank you for coming after me.
Okay, why is everybody hugging all the time around here?
I still have a bump on my head, you know?
Okay.
Jealous.
Not even close. Sure.
Not even. Really?
Let me just see it. I don't think so.
Just want to see it. You're going to have to chase me.
Come here, you.
Oh, chase me, Lattimer.
Whoa, look out!
Let's see what H. G. Took, shall we?
How do you remember that password?
I do a lot of crossword puzzles.
How do we navigate once we're in there?
That's the trick, isn't it?
They needed to use the Imperceptor Vest.
We've got other options.
Oh.
Put these on. Don't take them off under any circumstances.
Okay, this is amazing.
What did I say?
Sorry.
Look. There are a few items missing.
Her locket, her ring.
And her compact.
But, why?
Why, indeed.
Hey, what you working on there?
Something I've been thinking about for a very long time.
Previously on Warehouse 13...
Thank you for remembering our appointment.
Artie!
How could you possibly have survived?
The Phoenix?
Yeah.
Harriet Tubman's thimble.
It was me. Mrs. Frederic, it was me.
Worst case of identity theft ever.
It's not her fault.
James!
I'm sorry, Arthur.
Hi. That's a great color on you.
Hello.
You're never going to win these people over. I'm telling you.
They will succumb to my charms, Myka. They will succumb.
Hi. Hello.
What... Whatever. Come on.
Don't pull me. Come on.
This is bull.
Joy. Is it Tuesday again already?
Ah, yes. Kiss, kiss to you, Brenda.
Have we got our stuff or what?
Ah!
Finally!
It only took six months.
Shipped in from D.C. This morning.
What, are you taking deliveries from the mob?
M.O.B., Einstein. Myka O. Bering.
What's the "O" for? Uh, Olive?
Olive oil. Olive Garden?
So not telling you.
Whatever.
Hey, hey, B., B., what about my stuff?
Sorry, slick, that's it.
If you don't mind, I'm watching a movie and I don't have the TiVo.
It's my books, my music, my fuzzy slippers. Yay!
Yay! Let me get you some salt.
Sorry.
They said they're offloading more, but that's just insane.
You had your chance, Arthur...
Artie? Hey, you okay?
Yeah, fine.
You sure? Because for a second there, you seemed untethered.
Weren't you supposed to be helping Leena install
the rest of the new motion detectors?
Getting to it.
Getting to it? Claudia,
if the Warehouse is vulnerable, then we are vulnerable,
and we are not going to be vulnerable ever again.
And there are other threats out there.
Who? H.G. Wells? Sister friend kind of did us a favor by killing...
Killing does no one a favor.
That's why we have Teslas, not bullets.
That's why ethics are codified in the...
Saved by the beep. Looks like we got a ping. Want me to rally the troops?
No. What I want is for you to help Leena install
the rest of the new motion detectors.
Aye, aye, Captain Bligh.
Hello, Motor City.
Now, that's something I never expected to see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She must have found an artifact that makes her act like a girl.
Her aura, it's just so...
Happy? These things hold special memories for me.
You know, it makes me feel like I'm home.
We interrupt this concert
to bring you your regularly scheduled job.
All right, first, this mugger is delivered
to Detroit Metro Police into a twisted street light.
Look at that. He's in a coma.
And then, this drug dealer,
he is found dangling from this flagpole, pretty high up too.
He is in a coma as well. By the time it takes to print these photos,
our mysterious assailant strikes again.
A person did this? With what?
If I knew that, I wouldn't be sending you both to Detroit.
Plane's in an hour. Skedaddle.
Listen, I know things are awkward between you and Claudia,
but I need you working together and over it.
Don't talk to me, talk...
Just get it done.
Whoa!
Now, that is a big hole.
So Officer Kessman, according to the reports,
you were first on scene in all three incidents?
Yes, ma'am.
I was out walking my beat and I hear three shots fired
followed by a loud crash, and that's when I look up and I see the hole.
But not what caused it?
No, ma'am.
Fortunately the occupants were out of town,
so the only casualty is the perp.
Okay, well, thank you. We'll take it from here.
Yeah.
Three shots fired, no blood, no bullet holes.
Hey, Myks, check these out.
Bullets.
Yesireebob.
At least they used to be. Investigators didn't find these?
Investigators? With all the recent cutbacks,
we're lucky we still have guns. Welcome to my world.
Kevlar?
No way a vest would flatten a slug that much. That's just freaky.
Welcome to our world.
Yeah.
Hello?
Claudia? Hey, Claudia.
Claudia. Jeez!
Jeez, Leena, skulk much?
Artie wants us to finish putting these sensors up.
Well, I'm doing this instead.
Okay. Look, do you want to just get it off your chest right now?
My chest is burdenless. Can't you tell by reading my aura?
I don't have to read your aura to know that you're pissed off at me.
I'm going back to work now.
Neighborhood Watch meets here once a week.
Might be because Loretta organized the group,
and she makes the best pies in the Midwest.
Pete, he said pie.
I know. I just want to make sure
everything's jake on the home front first. I'll be right there.
Thank you.
Look, all's I'm saying is, you want to make an omelet,
you got to crack a few skulls.
And I'm saying there are other ways
to keep this neighborhood safe than vigilantism. Right, Sheldon?
I've read that there are two types of criminals,
parasites and cowards.
Amen, brother. Like that. Boom.
What?
Cranky is kind of your natural state of being, isn't it?
What, please?
Three squashed bullets, okay? We think the artifact
has some kind of a bullet proof invulnerability.
Yeah. No, that wouldn't explain the hole in the wall.
What if, whatever it is, it does a bunch of different stuff?
Doubtful.
Okay, well, maybe Claudia can do a little, you know, "tippy typy"...
Look, Pete, could you just figure it out?
You're a big kid now. All right, I got to go.
Okay. Look, Artie,
this is a little too crotchety, even for you.
What's going on?
I'm sorry. It's nothing.
It's just that I have a little rodent problem.
I'll have Claudia explore the invulnerability theory, all right?
Gracias.
Hey. Detroit's almost-finest.
Officer Kessman, large mochaccino and a slice of pumpkin to go?
Not today, Loretta.
This is Agent Bering, Secret Service.
I'm her partner, Agent Lattimer. Howdy.
Is the President in town?
No, no, we're just here on a local matter,
and we could use the Neighborhood Watch's help.
The authorities need our help? That's not a good sign.
Well, I have to run to the bank.
I'll be right back but you can talk to Sheldon.
He works with the Watch.
Two slices of the lemon meringue for the agents, please.
Oh, you know what? I'm more of a Twizzlers gal myself, but thanks.
But I'll take her slice. Thank you.
So, what are you guys looking for?
Anything strange or unusual.
Yes. You know, something that could twist a street lamp,
or put a hole through a brick wall.
You see anything like that that fits the bill?
No. Sorry, I haven't seen anything,
but I'll definitely keep my eye out.
Okay, then. If you don't mind, my city needs me.
You know, Dudley Do-Right was first on the scene at all three locations.
Yeah, he's also P.O.'d about the cutbacks,
and he likes to do things his own way.
Maybe he's doing things his own way with an artifact.
We should probably...
I think we should. Mmm.
Oh, I'm going to take these with me. Thank you so much.
What do you think he's got?
I don't know. Wyatt Earp's badge, maybe?
That's a good theory, Olivia.
Olga. Oprah.
Hey.
Game on.
I'm going to go check out the bedroom.
Hey, up there! The window's been broken!
Freeze, Dirty Harry!
Surrender the artifact!
Artifact? What are you talking about?
And what the hell is that thing?
What did you use to mop the floor with these guys?
I didn't do this.
Sure you didn't.
We got an anonymous tip and I come up...
No freaking way.
Help me! Please!
Okay, just put him down nice and slow!
Who was that masked man?
That was no man. That was a superhero.
Pete, that was not a superhero.
No, that was the Iron Shadow.
The Iron Shadow?
Yeah. Only the most awesomest character of the silver age.
You grew up in a book store. How do you not know that?
Real books. Not cartoons.
Yeah, comic books.
A guy in tights just leaped over a building.
Yeah, best to omit that from your report.
What report?
Right.
Okay, that mask he was wearing looked kind of artifact-y.
Maybe that's where he's getting those powers.
No, the Iron Shadow doesn't have powers.
He's just a regular guy who trained to be the ultimate urban samurai.
Okay, even ultimate urban samurai
can't leap over buildings, okay?
Whoever that was has an artifact.
We should have Claudia check the Warehouse database.
No need. You're looking at a one-man Iron Shadow encyclopedia.
Pick an issue, any issue.
I think we already know your issues, okay?
So, Officer Kessman said he got an anonymous tip, right?
Bet you dollars to donuts where that call came from.
Donuts or pies.
Best in the Midwest.
See, now I want donuts.
Since when does the Secret Service investigate petty crimes?
Just open the safe.
Do you have any idea what this woman means to this community?
Sheldon, it's okay. No. It's not.
You go after good citizens like Loretta?
I was robbed at gunpoint in my apartment.
Bastards took my clothes, my computer, my collection, everything.
We all feel unsafe. We just want somebody to do something about it.
There. Knock yourselves out.
What does this do?
It's a key. It opens things.
You may want to cover your eyes.
Nothing. No, no, nothing.
Guess the Iron Shadow doesn't use keys.
Wait, the Iron Shadow?
Yeah.
Like the comic book?
Yeah, yeah, some guy running around town.
We're very sorry. Yeah.
Sorry to bother you. Sorry. Sorry.
Thank you for your time. Thank you.
Hello square one, we meet again.
Okay, okay, let's just think this through, okay?
You're Joe Schmoe, you find an artifact that gives you super powers,
what do you do?
I track down Ralph Brunsky and give him the mother of all atomic wedgies
in front of the entire seventh grade class.
Or I don the guise of my all-time favorite superhero,
and use my powers to fight crime.
Okay. Okay. So where does a person like you hang out?
Yeah.
Okay, artifact city.
No, classic collectibles.
And potentially dangerous.
You go talk to the owner, I'm going to do some research.
Welcome to Hairy Tarantula, how can I...
Hey, I know you.
Agent Bering.
Hot. What can I do you for?
Earlier today, you were praising vigilantes.
Are you aware that someone in town is dressing up as a superhero
and taking the law into their own hands?
Finally, someone's nutting up and showing the cops how it's done.
Yeah, well, people are getting hurt.
Yeah, who? Scum of the Earth? "Boo-fracking-hoo."
Who's this guy dressed up as, so I can order more of that?
Do you keep records of your customers' purchases?
Yeah. I got a pull list. Why?
I'm going to need the names of anyone who's ever bought Iron Shadow merchandise.
I like a woman who gives orders.
Just get me the list.
Hey, so, is Brutus Beefcake our man?
He wishes. Did you find anything?
I sure did.
Issue 112. "The government orders all superheroes
"to reveal their secret identities, but the Iron Shadow
"removes his mask for no man. So the Feds send out..."
I meant, with our case.
Oh. No. Mmm.
So what's with the whole underwear on the outside thing?
They're called trunks.
Okay. I just never pegged you for such a...
What are they called, fan boys?
Yeah, well, my sister got me hooked on comics after my dad died.
She thought it would be a good escape for me.
I've got every issue of the legendary Iron Shadow,
except for number 46. It's my white whale.
Of course, if my stuff never comes
I'll have to rebuild my collection from scratch.
It'll come.
"There's only two types of Parasites and cowards."
Best mantra ever.
Pete, I heard that today in the coffee shop. What?
I'll trade you for your phone number.
No. Here,
Sheldon said he lost his clothes,
his computer and his collection.
Good work, chum. To the Batmobile.
It's just a rental.
No, no, no, you're not the one doing this.
Not doing what, Arthur?
Artie, not doing what?
Nothing. Nothing did anything.
Artie, if there's something wrong with the Warehouse, you should tell us.
All right, enough. Enough.
MacPherson. I saw him.
MacPherson? Where?
The first time, by the Escher Vault.
Shut up.
So, first he blows up the Warehouse, then he dies in it,
now he's haunting it? Dude, go into the light already.
Ghosts don't exist,
they're just a manifestation of a temporal...
But the dead can rise again.
Oh, God, that vampire meme is so aught-nine.
Artie, are you sure this isn't just a manifestation of your own guilt?
No, no, no, no. I have no guilt. I tried to save his life.
He didn't want to be saved. No, no, no, this is something else.
The accumulation of energy within the Warehouse
combined with... See if we have this...
Combined with MacPherson's psychic residue may have triggered
an artifact in the vicinity of the Escher Vault that projected an apparition.
Allons-y!
Rasputin's prayer rope.
Would you do the honors? Yeah.
You think I'm the Iron Shadow? I work in a coffee shop.
By day, maybe.
But by night, you're using a power that's beyond your comprehension.
And maybe even beyond your control.
Yeah, look, I get it, man, okay?
It makes you feel powerful, like you've just gone from a 98-pound weakling
to a bad-ass overnight.
But every artifact has a downside and people will get hurt.
Yeah, the bad guys.
Or somebody that you care about.
Like, Loretta.
You stay away from her!
She doesn't know anything about this.
They attacked me. In my own home.
You have no idea what that is like.
Actually, we kind of do.
Sheldon, please, just give us the artifact.
Okay. I guess I knew it was a bad idea.
I'll just get it. It's in there.
Wow!
What the hell? Sheldon!
God, don't superheroes ever use stairs?
Ooh, "Spidey sense" tingling.
Uh, Pete, just how powerful is this Iron Shadow?
You mean, like, in a fight with the Hulk, who would win?
Okay, sure.
The Hulk by a mile, why?
Um... Yeah.
I will save this city. I will make it safe for her,
and no one is going to stop me.
Oh, God.
This is your one warning, get out of my city.
Wow!
Wow?
This isn't a comic book, Pete. I mean did you see his hand tremors?
Neurological damage could be a side effect of molecular alteration.
Okay. So Sheldon's bulletproof one minute,
and then able to leap tall buildings
in a single bound the next because...
Because he's altering his density.
With what?
So this is some kind of Super-Gooer?
This scrubber mollifies psychically triggered artifacts
by really getting down into those pesky, hard-to-reach pores.
So, that's how Rasputin survived all those assassination attempts.
Survived? No, no, no, they got him on the very first try.
No, the Romanovs needed their enemies,
the Bolsheviks, for example, to believe
that the Mad Monk cheated death over and over again.
So, what they did was, they resurrected Rasputin by using this prayer rope.
Did not get rid of the Bolsheviks, so birth of communism...
I hate this course. Sorry.
So anyway, a good scrubbing should get rid of MacPherson.
Okay. Okay.
This house is clean.
James? Do svidanya.
Ladies, as you were.
Okay.
Of all the people you could have turned into,
you picked me.
I know, I guess you were under some kind of weird spell or something,
but I can't help feeling betrayed
because I almost lost the only real family I've ever had
because you decided to pick me.
I didn't pick you.
Can't you see what MacPherson has done?
He's turned us all against each other.
Artie? Artie's paranoid, and you're suspicious.
Without trust, we're all vulnerable.
And by the way,
you're not the only one who almost lost her family.
Hey Claudia, I want to run a theory by you. You busy?
No. No. No. I'm good to go.
You can't get rid of me that easily, Arthur.
I will not let you win.
Gold star on the density-altering. I ran it by Grumpzilla,
he pointed me to three items:
Samson's jawbone, Babe Ruth's bat and Bruce Lee's punching bag.
But they're all here in the Warehouse.
What about belts? Are there any belts?
Belts? Why belts?
Well, the Iron Shadow's belt is made of an indestructible metal
that harnesses his chakra energy.
Ding, ding, ding, there is in fact a belt that alters density
and gives the wearer super strength.
Well, do we have it?
Alas, Jacob Kurtzberg's belt is not currently in stock.
Jacob who?
Kurtzberg, AKA Jack "The King" Kirby.
He created... Comic book stuff. Okay, got it.
So if Kirby's belt is the artifact, how do we counter it?
Artie had me categorizing some old DARPA GAK a couple weeks ago.
Those guys were all about supersizing soldiers during the Cold War.
I'll dig in and holler back.
Okay, so Sheldon is unstable and dangerous,
plus he already considers us a threat.
Which means we're gonna have to play it by my book and not yours.
So, if I were Lex Luthor, I would go after the man of steel's greatest weakness,
which is...
Kryptonite.
No.
Lois Lane.
Loretta?
Sheldon, what are you doing here? Are you okay?
Do you feel safer now?
You look terrible. Here, sit down. Let me get you...
You didn't answer my question.
I... I don't understand.
All I want is for you to feel safe.
Sheldon...
I always feel safe with you.
Really? You do?
Yes.
I have to tell you something.
No, you don't. I already know.
I can see it in your eyes.
I never could have hoped for someone like you, Loretta.
Not who I was before, but now...
Now, things are different.
What do you mean? Different how?
It's for you, Loretta. I'm doing this for you.
I'm the Iron Shadow.
Oh, my God. Sheldon.
Okay, Shadow man, hand it over.
You two again.
Sheldon, we're here to help you.
I don't need your help. Don't you see the power I have?
You have no idea what you're messing with!
No, you don't!
Here we go again.
What's happening?
Sheldon, you have to stop it!
I can't!
Sheldon, are you all right?
Loretta, look out!
No!
I have to get out of here.
Pete. Hey.
Is she okay?
Yeah, yeah, she'll be fine. She just...
She just lost it there for a second.
Sheldon, where's Sheldon?
I don't know. We need to shut him down ASAP.
Please, this isn't his fault.
He's only doing this... For you.
He's in love with you.
- Talk to me. - Good news.
I've got just the gizmo to counter the Iron Shadow's powers.
Yeah, well, the bad news is you're in South Dakota.
Have no fear, Claudia's here.
Nice.
Whoa.
Cozy. Don't fret, Artie said it was okay.
Well, what he actually said was...
Go. Go.
Plus any excuse to get away from Leena.
So what do you got?
This. Absorbs all forms of kinetic energy.
Ooh. A soldier takes 100 rounds to the chest per second
and doesn't break stride. Thinner than Kevlar, way more resilient.
What?
And these puppies.
What?
A Claudia Donovan original. They channel the absorbed energy from the suit
and allow the wearer to redirect it.
Irresistible force, say ni-hao to immovable object.
I am going to get to play a superhero in real life. Awesome!
But there's a kink.
The suit's energy-siphoning abilities drain the wearer of all vital fluids,
causing paralysis in 60 minutes.
I'm only going to need 60 seconds
'cause I'm going to be all like, bam, bam, pow!
And in men, it causes impotence.
Whoa!
Here you go, Wonder Woman.
Artie.
He won't leave me alone. Why can't I make him leave me alone?
It's not guilt, it's not artifacts.
I really have no idea what the hell it is.
Maybe you two aren't finished with each other.
Oh, please. I was finished with James MacPherson 15 years ago.
You parted ways, but you weren't finished.
Artie, he was more than your ex-partner. He was your friend.
You shared a connection stronger than most people share in their whole life.
And we shared a death. I think that's what it is, we shared a death.
And we both rose from the ashes. And...
We were both brought back. That's what it is. We were both brought back.
You think? Let me think. That's right. We were both brought back.
If we don't get that belt, those powers Sheldon has could kill him.
Not just him.
Those gravitational waves he's pulling in,
he could pancake an entire city block.
That way.
The factory.
What's the factory?
Before Sheldon was laid off, he was an automotive engineer.
He just goes there to think.
Sheldon!
Is this how you want it?
All alone in your fortress of solitude? We can help you.
Help?
You already made me hurt Loretta.
I had everything under control until you showed up.
This guy's off the charts.
I know. We need to call out the big gun. Come on!
Myka!
What are you doing?
Sheldon, you're not the Iron Shadow.
And we're not sinister government agents trying to stop you, okay?
We're the good guys. And we're trying to help you whether you want us to or not.
I don't want to hurt anyone else.
Then, take my hands.
Pete, come get the belt.
I got it!
Myka, use the gauntlets.
Loretta, thank God you're okay. I'm so sorry.
It's okay. It's over. They got the belt.
Belt? What are you talking about?
All right, that's troubling.
If it's not the belt, what is it?
Help! It's starting again! I can't get them off!
Holy underwear! It's the trunks!
Loretta, you have to get out of here. I can't control this anymore.
I won't leave you.
Loretta, come on! Sheldon!
We have to go!
Claudia, what's happening?
His mass keeps increasing.
He's approaching infinite density.
Well, that sucks for him.
It's not just him, man. If Sheldon collapses in on himself,
he's going to take the whole city with him!
Collapses in on himself? Like a black hole?
Uh-huh.
How do I stop that?
You've got to siphon as much of that
gravitational energy as possible.
And then, get those trunks off him.
Just be careful.
Your suit might not be able to absorb another round of energy.
We'll just wait for you here.
Oh, thank you.
Okay.
Claudia, what's happening?
The suit has absorbed its power.
We got to break the circuit.
We got to get those trunks off of him.
Oy gevalt! Myka! Myka, are you okay?
Super.
Is everyone...
My hero.
I bought a bunch of stuff at a yard sale to replace what I'd lost.
The trunks were mixed in with gym clothes.
Until I put them on, I had no idea they had such great power.
Well, with great power comes great responsibility.
What? Is that like a thing or something? What?
Maybe, uh...
Maybe some identities are best kept secret.
Wait, hold up. We're just gonna let him go?
An artifact took control of him,
and he hurt somebody that he loves, these things happen.
I think we can forgive that, don't you?
Yeah. Yeah. I guess.
Yeah.
And once again, the city is safe!
Why is that so funny? That's what they say.
This used to be our house, James.
I never wanted you gone. I wanted you back.
I miss my partner.
And now, because of this
we're connected forever.
Maybe you knew that would happen.
Maybe that's why you put it in my pocket. Hmm?
Hmm?
"Hello, Arthur. If you're reading this, it's probable that I'm gone.
"Do you remember this watch? We used to argue over it.
"I think you should have it. Good luck, old friend.
"I imagine you're going to need it."
I suppose we could chat from time to time. If that's even possible...
Or not.
Hey, Leena,
it could have easily been me.
MacPherson could have stuck the pearl of wisdom in my ear
and turned me into his little stooge.
Yes, he could have.
He was a big fat jerk who sucked.
Thank you, Claudia.
Hey, did Myka mention the...
Yeah, I'm just gonna shelf this
and I'll meet you over at the B&B.
Rock on.
Mrs. Frederic,
you told me to let you know
if I experienced anything strange.
Come on, just admit it, it was awesome.
You know it was.
Okay, okay, I liked being a superhero, okay?
I mean, I got to kick ass, save countless lives,
but we kind of do that here, anyway...
I suppose we do, Odetta. Oona.
No? Oxana.
It's Ophelia. Okay?
Like from Hamlet, yes, Ophelia. Let the mocking commence.
Ophelia? Mmm-hmm.
That's kind of beautiful.
Can "Ophelia" boobies? Oh, snap!
Okay, so, still no word about your stuff, right?
Not a one, my Ophelia. Nay, not a one.
Well, come, lowly roustabout.
Yes, my darling and all that. Yes.
Keep going, keep going. Okay, stop.
One, two, three, ta-da!
Surprise!
You guys.
- It wasn't us. - It was all Myka.
Yeah, she totally masterminded it.
Oh, you know, it's just a distraction
until your stuff arrives, but just in case it doesn't...
Then, you can start to rebuild your collection with this.
Issue 46. What, in mint condition?
Do you know how rare this is?
Yeah, actually I do.
You have no idea what I had to do to get my hands on that.
This calls for cookies.
Oatmeal scotchies, please, please.
I have to apologize, I've been extremely distracted,
and I'm back now. I'm back 100%.
100%, huh?
Yeah, 120%, all right? Give me that. I'm saving your life.
Okay, I'd be distracted too if a ghost was chasing me.
No, no, no, how many times do I have to articulate this?
Ghosts do not exist.
What fools attribute to the phenomena of ghosts actually...
Oh, my God. Make it stop.
I'm not an "it." I'm someone who's trying to enlighten you.
So do you think this feels more like home now?
Nah. It's better.
Previously on Warehouse 13...
Quickly, we don't have much time.
This says that the de-bronze function was activated twice.
Who's our mystery guest?
Where were you exactly?
I was at the Warehouse.
You don't remember. You've been having lapses.
How do you know that?
The pearl of wisdom.
MacPherson must have planted it in your inner ear weeks ago.
If a person uses it properly, they can control your thoughts and movements.
Shipped in from D.C.
What about my stuff?
Sorry, slick. If you don't mind, I'm watching a movie
and I don't have the TiVo.
No way!
Does this mean I'm an agent now?
No. It means I can reach you any time of day or night.
Okay. Not as good.
These are the Regents?
Hello, Irene. Mr. Valda, nice to see you again.
If MacPherson is out there...
He's out there, and he's planning something far worse
than any of you can imagine.
I know what the plan is.
I'll tell you everything.
James? James!
I'm sorry, Arthur.
Mrs. Frederic,
you told me to let you know if I experienced anything strange.
Secret Service. Find General Williams.
Tell him Buck Mendell from Warehouse 13 is here.
I have full authority to shut down the Farnsworth demonstration now.
Thank you for coming.
Why are these out?
Claudia pulled them to learn more about her new toy.
She just wanted to spruce up her Farn...
Right.
Um, I'll lock them back up as soon as you leave.
You were vague on the phone.
Tell me what you're feeling.
Edgy.
Unfocused.
And the headaches.
It's all right.
Mr. Valda knows you've been through an ordeal.
Why am I having these headaches?
When MacPherson was part of your consciousness,
he may have left something behind.
An echo.
This is Taka.
She's here to help us find out.
I mean, I have, like, over 5,000 CDs.
You don't have 5,000 CDs.
I do.
Good morning. Here. Oh, I'm sorry.
Can I help you there? There you go.
No, no, no, you're welcome. That's... Have a nice day.
Yep. They still hate us. Why?
Maybe it's your cologne.
I'm not wearing any.
Oh, that's so funny. You're hilarious.
Look, making connections with strangers is never easy.
If you just relax, it'll happen.
Hit the brakes, slick. Post office is closed.
Closed? It's 10:00 in the morning.
Government cutbacks. Everything was sold off or shipped out.
Wait, wait, wait, what about my stuff?
I was supposed to come pick up my stuff...
Try the branch in Featherhead.
Well, Featherhead is 90 miles away.
Take a bus, read a book.
Wait, wait, wait a minute, lady.
Look, I'm in forced retirement.
Going to make popcorn and watch movies on cable
because that's all I can afford to do on my government pension.
What's left of it anyways. Thanks.
What? Thanks? Thanks for what?
Why do you people all hate us?
Hey, relax, okay? Just call the branch in Featherhead.
Okay, Farnsworth, let's pimp you out.
Claudia, where are the schematics for the Bronze Section?
Got Farnsworth gak?
What the hell are you doing?
You gave it to me. You're tampering with perfection!
Those are Warehouse issued.
These things need color, and GPS, texting and email is what they need.
Need? They don't need. They have their own secure frequency spectrum.
They can't be cracked, hacked, tapped or jailbroken.
Can I at least give it a better ring tone?
Oh, just give it a better ring tone?
No! You know what you can give it?
You can give it back! No, no, no, no, no.
Well, then button it up and learn to live with it.
Fine. I'm living with it.
Do you see what happens?
Yeah, so if you could call me back, I would appreciate it.
Thank you.
Featherhead voicemail?
One for post office, two for hunting licenses, three for county maintenance.
So I guess they'll either find my stuff
or pump my septic tank.
Oh, great. Now this thing's on the fritz.
Okay, let's go for a drive, shall we?
Yeah. I hear the middle of nowhere is beautiful this time of year.
Ow!
Come on, men. Let's kill what needs killing and go home.
Hang on. We're not going to die today. Do you understand me?
Other guys are going to die.
A lot of them Tojo's boys. But not us.
Not if I can help it.
Follow me, boys.
It wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't me.
There's something wrong in town.
Why does Artie want us to meet him here?
I don't know. You know, it was a terrible connection,
and all I heard was barber shop and emergency.
Maybe his eyebrows are finally eating his face.
Oh! How on Earth did you get a driver's license?
Do you drive a stick shift? No.
Then take a lesson. Oh, you're a menace.
Well, in a good way.
Artie, my Farnsworth is making weird noises.
You see what you did?
What? You busted my Farnsworth?
No!
Now, who is a menace?
I only messed with mine.
Well, that's the bad news.
What? What was that?
That was an alarm system. If there's an artifact in town
then that would turn purple and it turned purple.
This town has artifacts?
Not normally, no.
But over the centuries, towns that host Warehouses
have been given, well, certain kinds of protection.
Just in case.
And given recent events,
an artifact may have been placed here to distract us from more,
well, pressing pursuits.
MacPherson.
H.G. Wells. Part of the plan?
Maybe. We'll see. First of all, let's get the artifact.
I want you to question the townies,
find out if anything particularly unusual has happened.
Then snag, bag and tag.
So you want us to go door to door?
We have a standard cover in Univille.
They think we're IRS agents?
And they think the Warehouse is an IRS storage facility
that contains every US tax return ever filed.
No wonder they hate us.
We're tax collectors.
I hate us.
Oh, you even have their tax returns.
Sure. Like that's a big stretch.
Okay, so while we're dodging tomatoes, what are you going to do?
SIS. Salinger Inventory Scan.
If an artifact is AWOL, the SIS will ID it.
Salinger, like the author?
RTFM, dude.
RTFM?
Oh, read the manual.
I like that.
Mr. Valda, I don't think employing the pearl of wisdom is our wisest move.
You know better than I the consequences that can come from using artifacts.
Speed is of the essence.
You're looking for trouble.
I'm looking for clarity.
Irene, if something is buried deep inside Leena's subconscious,
if MacPherson has left a residue
that can help us understand what we're facing,
then we must dig it out.
And we risk a woman's life.
To save many.
Mrs. Frederic, it's all right.
After all that's happened, I want to do this.
Leena. Thank you.
And if something should go wrong?
Taka will make it right.
Marines? You saw Marines?
Yes. But, like, from World War II.
Probably some guys playing dress up,
like Civil War nuts.
Mmm-hmm. Were they locals?
Never seen them before.
Did you catch any of their names?
Was there anything distinctive on their uniforms?
No. Yes.
A patch.
A wolf's head.
Uh, how do you know they were Marines?
My grandfather was a Marine.
Oh, 'cause so was I.
Really? Yes.
My grandfather, he was an evil bastard who emotionally tortured his children.
Okay.
Look, what does this have to do with my taxes?
Well, if they were a profit based...
If there was any kind of profiting...
Based group of war re-enactors...
If they're acting about war.
Then we would have to bring in some...
You mentioned seeing a flash of light.
This town has power problems.
Transformers blow all the time.
Sparks and brown outs. Nothing ever gets fixed.
We lost our post office.
I mean, how do you guys justify
warehousing old tax returns when we're losing essential government services?
I mean, you guys are useless.
Wait a minute, lady.
Now, you may not know this but we're out there every day
trying to save your butt.
Maybe today even.
Saving my butt? Yeah, that's right.
I'm still waiting for my Bush tax credit.
Who's your supervisor? I want a name!
Oh, I'm sorry. Let me spell it out for you,
U-N-C-L-E-S-A...
"Uncle Sam." He's patriotic and can spell. Isn't he cute?
Well, my apologies.
Seriously, Kelly, you have no idea.
It's Dr. Hernandez. Whatever.
Uh, thank you for your time.
Hello?
Customer.
I have a special...
Order.
I was just working on a project, needs un-working.
Can I get the name?
Claudia Donovan.
It's old copper wire. Twentieth century blend.
Two-inch flange, one traverse.
Um, and some old Mallory capacitors.
Also some half-watt 180K ohm Bradley resistors,
and you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?
I heard "wire."
Let me check the file.
Donovan, you said?
IRS, huh?
Oh, yeah. Mmm-hmm.
I'll just have a look around.
So I just moved here.
Why on Earth would you do that?
Yeah. Kind of a long story.
That's the owner's apartment.
He doesn't like people to go up there.
He's kind of private.
Oh... Oh, that's loud.
I know. Right? Excuse me.
I can't find anything under that name, but...
Uh, is everything okay?
No! The R is for revenue.
There's no need for language like that!
Sheesh!
Strike 11!
All right, so no one else has seen anything.
Maybe there's not an artifact.
Maybe Kelly, the vet, is one kitten short of a litter.
Okay, William Siminski, lucky number 12.
Right across the street. Yeah.
You know what? Claudia broke the...
Did you see that?
See that?
And we both see that.
Afternoon, Jake.
Never thought I'd see you in my town again.
Hey, he looks familiar.
More re-enactors?
This town belongs to me.
That's where you're wrong, Jake.
Only thing belongs to you after this day
is a coffin.
Now, that's a good line.
Holy crap.
Was that for real?
It seemed like it a second ago.
Were you hit?
No.
But I think my underwear is shot.
Guys!
I think I might be on to something.
Sunspot activity
and shifts in the Earth's mag field spanning 80 years,
from the Wild West to World War II,
might have actually left trace bioelectric...
What?
At 10:30 this morning you futzed with the Farnsworths.
Also at 10:30 a town vet saw Marines,
and every event since then has started with Farnsworths squawking.
I fixed them.
They're fine.
What about MacPherson or Wells
stealing an artifact and hiding it in town?
Dude, what's up with your SIS?
We scanned three times, Claudia, nothing is missing.
Well, it's not me.
Artie, there's not enough power
between these Farnsworths to twitch a frog's leg.
Until you started mucking with intricate circuitry.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
What if it's not the Farnsworths?
Thank you.
Just if, and if it's not
then it's still possible that there's an artifact in town
that's generating some sort of power
that's causing this or it's drawing from another source.
Theoretically.
All right. Theoretically, if it's not the Farnsworths,
then we triangulate from the Marines,
from the horses, from the cowboys
and it's somewhere theoretically
in this area.
That's, like, four square blocks, Artie.
Well, four square blocks we can focus on
instead of, you know, running all around town.
Artie, can you please run another SIS scan?
I suppose.
Okay. And we will go back to Univille
and hit these four square blocks hard.
I thought it was Univille.
Univille. Unincorporated town.
Let's just get out of here before this thing escalates.
Escalates how?
Dangerously comes to mind.
The amber acts as a governor, controlling the pearl
which allows Taka to travel with it.
There will be less pain than before
but a little.
Let's get it over with.
Fascinating.
Leena.
Yes.
Let's see what's in there.
Yo, Artie call you?
Yeah, huge power drain at the hardware store.
So what's the layout?
Two story, one employee. New guy named Todd.
Owner's out of town, and when I went for the stairs, Todd warned me off.
Bet whatever's sapping power is up there.
Okay, so let's go around back.
You stay here. Keep an eye out.
Do you think these things are still under warranty?
I doubt it covers acts of Claudia.
Just watch out for another light show.
What the hell?
Holy mackerel.
Oh, dude. Dude!
Dude. Oh.
I'm so sorry. Mmm.
Uh, don't move.
Hey, guys!
Guys, there's something.
Okay, qu'est-que c'est?
Todd's boss is a video pirate.
Selling illegal satellite feeds to the good folks of Univille.
This is the artifact?
No. No. This is a felony.
My Farnsworth barked, something's coming.
I think it's here. Downstairs. Something spooked Todd.
Oh.
What did you do?
That thing you showed me.
You know the arm thing, maybe the leg thing.
I don't know. It just happened.
Whoa.
That's a tiger.
Forgive me, brother.
And that... That's a gladiator.
Oh, okay. Not ghost. Time travel?
Spartacus.
Here, boy.
To the gods, we are beasts that dance to their tune.
Not anymore.
I've heard this speech before.
'Tis better to die a man fighting for your freedom
than to die as a slave fighting for their pleasure.
Hey,
weren't you just a cowboy?
Pete, be careful. Pete!
Okay, I think it's real now.
Pete, get out of the way.
Get out of here, guys, now!
Pete, no!
Pete!
Pete, no!
What happened?
A gladiator just kicked your ass.
Oh, good. For a second there I thought a gladiator just kicked my ass.
Enough, Mr. Valda, you're chasing shadows.
Something is throwing those shadows.
Can you go deeper?
There's some risk.
Then go carefully.
Wait.
Irene.
I must be certain she survives.
Taka is...
Taka is out of her depth. I am not.
Lattimer and Bering, right?
But they're so raw,
so untrained,
so corruptible.
James. Are you there?
Why is H.G. Wells here? What does she want?
Mrs. Frederic,
you must tell me your secret.
I can't remember anything.
Not much to remember.
Fell off the ladder, banged your head, dropped your glasses.
Do you really work for the IRS?
Actually I work for a top secret organization
that tracks down mysterious and powerful artifacts.
You're going to audit me, aren't you?
Maybe.
Ow.
Baby.
Sadist.
Hey, maybe you can give him something for, you know, the pain?
Aspirin. I think I saw some rolling around in my glove compartment.
Oh, well maybe if I was a dog you'd be nice to me.
What is with you two?
Man hater.
Right.
Okay, okay, so...
The gladiator is the cowboy is the Marine,
Yeah. According to the description given by Dr. Bow Wow.
So, maybe we're looking for the medallion of the Village People.
I don't know.
Hey.
You took the transmitter course at Raleigh.
Sure. Okay.
Do you remember the section on identifying aggressive frequencies?
Ah. Here's a surprise, I don't.
Okay, we know that these things go off
before something happens, right?
So, what, we think they're causing it now?
No. I don't think they're transmitting anything, but...
But maybe they're reacting to the signal,
picking it up before it becomes a gladiator or whatever.
And maybe Claudia can turn them from reacting devices
into locating devices.
Oh, God. What did I do now?
I knew we had a Farnsworth aisle.
Yes, which is off limits to you.
So, don't... Off, off limits, which means do not touch a thing!
You just tell me what you need to rig these two
into signal locators, and I will get it, I. Okay?
Got it. Okay, I need that.
Oh, okay. And that.
This?
And those. That's awfully vague, Claudia.
Those two right there.
I have it now. Oh, and let me get...
No, no, no, no. Claudia, no.
See, Farnsworth dabbled in nuclear fusion,
and some of the things on this side of the aisle...
They're still kicking.
Still kicking? Mmm-hmm.
See what you find out when you include the old guy, huh?
What, are you having a stroke?
You know what? Touch it. Go ahead. Touch it all!
Okay!
MacPherson could have buried an artifact and repaved the road.
Well, maybe Claudia's tweaked Farnsworths will help.
I hate maps.
I thought men loved maps,
you know, so they don't have to ask for directions when they get lost.
Well, you don't get to ask directions in basic training.
How long were you a Marine?
You're always a Marine.
But I never wore a patch.
Kelly said they wore a wolf patch, right?
Yeah.
The Marines don't wear patches.
Oh, man, come on. Come on!
What?
Wait!
All right.
Good to go.
Huh? Good to go where?
Oh, right. Want me to drive you?
God, no. Give me the keys.
Oh, by the way, there's weirdness
with item 186 in the Farnsworth aisle.
Weirdness? What weirdness?
Well, original manifest lists two parts to item 186, snagged in 1944.
But there's only one part on the shelf,
186B.
Just... Just where's 186A?
I mean, if it was missing then SIS would have pinged,
and what does that half of the artifact do?
Manifest doesn't say.
But inventory records show 186A was never shelved.
Never?
So it was never here.
Must have been down on the loading dock for 70 years.
Do we have a loading dock?
Fire. The wolf was spitting fire.
Yeah, you better stay inside for a while just to be safe.
Safe? What's going on?
Look, Kelly...
Dr. Hernandez.
Dr. Hernandez, please stay inside, lock your door.
Fire-spitting wolf patch? I mean, explain.
Operation Dragon Wolf.
It played in heavy rotation on the 3:30 movie back in Ohio.
I must have watched it, like, 100 times.
The lead Marine was played by an actor named Raymond Saint James.
These are movies.
Well, they're Raymond Saint James movies.
He also played a few cowboys and a gladiator, too.
1944.
All right, so 1944,
you're here somewhere.
Project Gemini.
Philo, you broadcasting madman.
Buck Mendell?
Buck Mendell.
Transmutational delivery device.
Project Gemini, Army Field Test Prototypes.
Philo.
Transmutational camera
to a receiving projector.
Philo, what happened?
It wasn't and then it was.
Was what?
Real.
Projector camera.
186A,
186B.
186A never made it here. It didn't even get here.
Well, I wonder if the shipping label tore off.
186B.
186.
186B.
Three-dimensional camera,
check.
3D projector.
Lost in the mail.
Not promising anything.
Okay, so what do we hope happens?
Well, the screen should display a tapering arrow, okay?
The narrow end should point to the signal's origin.
That's the source of the transmissions.
What about the other end?
That's where trouble's likely to show up.
Since the movies are getting more violent and more real,
we'll want to avoid that.
Ooh, hot damn.
All right, well, I guess the source is this way and the problem's that way.
More violent. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
If the problem's that way, Kelly's is that way.
Well...
Kelly! I need you to open the door.
You told me to keep it locked.
I know, but I need you to open it now.
Will you make up your mind?
Would you please just open the damn door?
God, what is with this chick?
Look, I need you to get out of here.
It's dangerous.
It's back this way.
I don't see anything.
What kind of IRS agents are you?
Rocky, scram, they're onto us!
Claudia, get her out of here.
Pete, we should go, too. There's too many of them.
No, no, we're okay. I know this movie.
Dark Memento. After they shoot him,
the bad guys take off.
Rocky, listen, no one's going to know what happened here tonight.
You got to be my mouthpiece, see?
Oh, he's about to die. This is a great scene.
Well, can't we change it?
I know. You don't do it for them.
No. It's no good. This thing's on rails.
Just stay out of the way and we won't get hurt.
You do it 'cause it's the right thing.
It's why we got into this lousy racket.
This... This... This film festival's chronological.
Operation Dragon Wolf, Showdown at Laramie, Sword of the Gladiator,
Not his best work.
The next one is Dr. Doomsday.
Now, get out there.
Save the girl.
Save the girl, yeah.
Okay, okay, so what happens in Dr. Doomsday?
Oh, really fun movie. He plays a mad scientist, blows up an entire town.
Probably less fun if we all, you know, die.
So item 186 went dead letter?
What exactly is item 186?
Well, 186B is a camera in the Warehouse.
186A is a transmutational delivery device.
It's supposed to transmit 3D holographic images to the enemy,
convince them that you're a lot closer
and better equipped than they thought.
It worked, but too well.
It blew up in something called Project Gemini in 1944.
Somehow light and matter coalesced
and a 3D-projected Sherman tank
became solid enough to shell the crowd.
How is that even possible?
You're still asking that question?
I'm still hoping for an answer.
Oh, dude, you're picking the lock. Can I do it?
No.
But it's been so long. Not long enough.
Come on.
Anyway, all I know
is that the projector never got to the Warehouse.
I think that we can assume
that it made it this far.
And somehow it's broadcasting the Raymond Saint James festival,
playing on Movie Classics Unlimited.
Oh, I love that channel.
I know. Right?
Okay, since "how" isn't on the menu, do we have any idea why?
I don't know. Signal flux, sunspots...
Intruding...
Wave diffraction on the signal?
Yeah, maybe. All I know is there's a pattern to the randomness.
I just don't know what it is yet.
Hey, guys, since we're here, can you keep an eye out for my stuff?
Oh, would you give that a rest, dude?
Not now.
Hey, guys, over here.
186A.
Label's torn.
Yeah. Stokes County, South Dakota.
Enough to get it to the post office, but no further.
Do you remember what she said?
Yeah. "Going to eat some popcorn, watch some movies."
And who is she?
Soon they'll know my power.
We'll return to the Raymond Saint James marathon in just a moment.
Don't go away.
Dr. Doomsday is about to rock your world.
Better than a flat screen.
Hit the brakes, slick.
The darkness,
the emptiness,
it's all for nothing.
MacPherson is still there.
No. It's him but not him.
Deep in her subconscious.
Like grooves cut in vinyl.
You are the most unpredictable woman.
You must eradicate them.
Smooth them over,
or she can go mad.
I'd seen the truth.
I'm sorry, Arthur.
Mrs. Frederic,
am I all right?
Yes.
I believe you are now.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Wait until you get your government pension check,
you'll take stuff home too.
Oh, yeah? Well, you stole the wrong package, lady.
Okay, if the projector isn't plugged into the wall then how is it being powered?
Internal, regenerative power source. Same as the Farnsworths.
Broadcasting on the same spectrum?
Mmm. More than likely.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, movie's back on.
Rest easy, my metal friend.
Your labors are at an end.
Doomsday's going to kill a robot.
I went as that robot for Halloween.
Really? Was it recently?
Best candy haul ever.
The universe wants to be set free.
And he's got the bomb.
Why don't we just cut the connection from the projector to the television?
Does anyone have any better ideas?
Solid core activator.
Microwave.
Intruding wave diffraction on the signal.
Wait. Is that what's kicking Raymond Saint James out into the street?
Make a lot of popcorn, do you?
How else do you watch a movie?
Turn it back on. I want to see how it ends.
Yeah, well, you may have to live it
because we can't shut down every microwave and satellite dish in the state.
Doomsday is here.
So he's up here, right?
Yeah, it's... That's what it says.
Where?
I don't know. Maybe it's just a false alarm.
They thought I was mad.
Mad! Now they shall all know my true genius.
It's not about cocktail parties and politics.
It's not about...
This... This thing is somehow buffering the input
and I think it's just going to play the movie out.
And then when Dr. Doomsday hits that button...
Boom?
Kaboom.
186B. We've got a camera, why don't we just...
Interrupt this regularly scheduled broadcast.
By filming something benign.
And projecting our own drive-in movie.
It's in my car.
We can set it up in my Camino! In whose Camino?
How long do we have?
He's got about a three-minute monologue coming up and then...
There is going to be an awful loss of life.
Looks like things are about to reach an explosive end
after these words from the folks that pay the bills.
Stay tuned.
Well, we got an extra three minutes.
Unless someone fast forwards through the commercials.
Don't even joke about that.
Claudia? Claudia, wait!
I got the parts you ordered!
It's not a question of madness.
Okay, considering that the town's about to blow up,
we should probably use our guns.
Just saying.
Good point. Stay clear of the robot, he kills by crushing.
Got it. Okay.
Seriously?
Right. I forgot about the magnets.
How does this thing work?
Well, just find something that looks like an on button.
Let's hope the projector accepts the transmission.
Now, focus on something benign.
Not me! I haven't been benign since 1956.
Okay. Wait, why... Why... Why does a robot have your guns?
Well, he kind of just reached out!
I'd seen the movie before and I didn't realize...
All right, all right, all right!
Just, you can sit this one out.
Artie? What?
It's fried.
Oh, no, the misfire in 1944 must have...
Can you... Quick, give me your Farnsworth.
Your Farnsworth right now!
I can cannibalize these for parts.
No. We're going to need five Farnsworths to fix this damage.
We're totally screwed.
I am going to prove that theory.
Here comes his big speech.
Do you guys really work for the IRS?
What is that?
Parts you ordered. I found them.
You're a Wonder Twin.
Here.
Hey, hey, hey, you guys, hurry up!
There's only 15 more lines before ka-blooey.
Resistor. Now would be nice.
Resistor. Thank you.
My reach extends far beyond this realm.
I will destroy everyone you love.
Uh-oh.
What... What... What's the matter?
Why uh-oh?
Artie, he changed the signature.
Meaning what exactly?
It's a totally different layout. I have to reverse it
and, oh, I need the Farnsworth blueprints.
No, no, they're locked in tech.
But I was just taking a gander at them back at Leena's.
Well, I've got them.
Here. I mean I read them this morning.
Photographic memory, me too. It's not always a good thing...
Who is this guy?
Later! Farnsworth! Okay.
Imagine five of these, okay?
Staggered diagonally. This section right here inverted.
So how do I...
You put that one there and then you run...
You run this to there.
Right. Right! Because that would connect those two.
I have taken many forms. I have created a few more myself...
Uh-oh.
What's the matter? What's the uh-oh?
I need a fusible link. I don't have a fusible link!
What's a fusible? Maybe I have one.
Car battery! Camino!
...make your life better. Yours.
Up!
Hurry up, guys!
Are they to be removed, erased, eradicated? Yes.
Yes, of course.
Okay, he's almost out of dialogue.
It's the countdown!
Oh, here it is!
Come on, I need that wire!
Make the connection!
You have made me do this.
Do something!
What's happening?
We connected a blue wire.
I have become death.
Claudia, I... Good job!
Any chance that went out to the entire Raymond Saint James fan club?
I gave up Raymond Saint James for this?
So that's how the power's generated. Huh.
I bet if I spent some time with this thing
I could rig it so they don't need to recharge.
Maybe you should hold off on mentioning that to Artie.
Good thought.
So, Claudia...
That's a scary tone.
Todd's cute.
Todd who?
This is me ignoring you.
I smell popcorn.
Hey-o!
Who wants to watch I Return To Kill,
starring our new favorite actor?
You have got to be kidding me.
Yeah, I think I've seen enough of that dude's movies to last me a lifetime.
Wussies. In my room in five.
Okay? Remember I have a big flat screen.
Well. Item 186,
Farnsworth parts A and B are right back where they...
Ooh, popcorn, deal me in.
How else do you watch movies? Mmm-hmm.
You know if we want any of that popcorn...
So, about Todd.
Hey, wait up.
So, but he's really cute.
I might have to cut you... You... We've talked about it.
I think he's just, maybe... I don't know.
He may have left something behind.
An echo.
Previously on Warehouse 13...
Hello? Customer.
I have a special... Order.
So I just moved here.
Why on Earth would you do that?
Oh, dude.
Claudia, wait! I got the parts you ordered!
You're a Wonder Twin.
So, Claudia, Todd's cute.
This is me ignoring you.
Myka!
Eat shield, stabby!
Oh, hey, are you okay? Yeah.
There you go. Okay.
Let me help you up. Here we go.
Okay.
Where'd you learn to handle a sword like that?
Oh, some girls played with Barbies, others took fencing lessons.
Everybody got all their limbs?
That's a big 10 fingers and 10 toes, good buddy.
Behold, mighty Excalibur!
You snagged it!
This could have been a lot easier if we just swapped it for the fake.
Yeah, only you, Artie, would know it was a tacky wall decoration,
in some cheesy castle in Cardiff.
The rock, it worked?
Yes, you were right. You know, as soon as the blade
came in contact with the rock that was laced with the same metal...
Then the sword went out of phase
and allowed it to pass right through solid matter.
Preventing today's pub special from being Myka meat pie.
You realize that's how King Arthur pulled the sword from the stone?
Oh, nice, Artie, sure know how to take the fun out of believing in legends.
No, no, no. Some legends can have a bit of truth to them.
So there was a real Merlin the Magician?
Fiction. Knights of the Round Table?
Bedtime story.
Holy Grail?
Anyway, on your way back, I want you to check something out for me in Italy.
That's not really on our way back.
Yeah, but I got a ping. So go to Milan, call me when you land.
I've never been to Italy.
So how'd she die?
Old age. No identification.
But, we found these,
inside her body.
Those look like... Implants.
The old woman had silicone breast implants.
I've never seen them like this,
you know, when they weren't on active duty.
Something else.
The woman was shouting something before she died.
That's Russian. You speak Russian?
Yeah. You know, some girls played with Barbies and...
Got it. Got it. Got it. What'd she say?
Um, it means...
It means, "They stole me."
I think I know how we can ID her.
All surgical implants are labeled and coded by a serial number.
So you can track them through the doctor back to the patient.
Why am I not surprised that you are the expert on breast implants?
Some boys played with Barbies.
Hmm.
Now, these implants were placed in the body of...
Wait a minute. That can't be right.
I don't get it. Who is that?
Anya Verdikov. Age 19.
Anya Verdikov.
Wait, wait, you know her?
Yes. She is a Russian model in Milan for the fashion show.
Okay, well we need to meet with her right away.
She was reported missing two days ago.
You think? We have seen stranger things.
What are you saying?
Either someone took the implants out of Anya Verdikov
and put them in the body of this old woman.
Or this woman is the 19-year-old Anya Verdikov.
Hello? Hello.
Hey, welcome back. What'd you bring me from Italy?
You know it. Hey, biscotti! What?
Hey. It was a long flight.
Okay, so what else did you find out about Anya Verdikov?
Lots. Found out that Anya was not the first.
Claudia, would you do the honors? Missing fashion models...
They vanish from different cities.
From Tokyo, Berlin, in Paris, in London.
So, since we know what to look for, it wasn't hard to find a pattern.
And after each model disappeared, in the same city
they found the body of a Jane Doe.
Elderly. Yes. Very old Jane Doe.
And, it seemed like it was natural causes but uh-uh, I don't think so.
Yeah, an unidentified old Asian woman...
An Asian woman was found dead two months ago in Paris.
Hey! Same tattoo. Same place.
Same woman. Okay, have you ever seen an artifact
that produces rapid aging in a person?
I've never seen anything that causes this.
So, obviously it's not a coincidence
that all these victims were models. Right?
All right, so what's the plan?
Since all these attacks happened around the fashion industry,
and since this week, in full swing, in Manhattan, is Fashion Week,
two tickets to New York.
Nice. Original Ray's Pizza.
The original Original Ray's Pizza,
that's actually in the Warehouse.
And a funny thing about that is the mob bought the original cheese.
You can't make a decent pie Artie.
Okay, so the way to stop this is to find Anya's agent,
the agent will tell you where Anya has been and hopefully also
what she's been in touch with.
Okay. Perfect.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, Artie, what aisle is...
Not a chance.
Forget it.
Yeah, I'll run an artifact search on the mainframe.
See what might make the beautiful people go geezer.
Thank you. That would be very...
God, stop it!
Something you'd like to share with the rest of the class, Miss Donovan?
No.
No?
That only makes me a little bit more curious.
It's Todd.
He keeps texting me.
Oh, you know texting? It's what the kids do these days,
instead of going to dinosaur races.
I know what texting is, also iTunes and color television.
What is a Todd?
Todd, you know, Todd.
The guy from town, from the hardware store.
Oh, God, what is with him? "Want to meet for coffee?" Give me my space!
No, no! Why don't you text him back?
I remember that kid. He was inoffensive.
Strike up the band.
No, no, no, I mean, you're not a girl anymore.
What?
Hmm? I just said, you know, you're a woman.
You're a woman because you're over 16.
I'm just saying he's a man...
Man and woman... Hey.
If you've never... Oh, God. I mean, I shouldn't...
Pull up, pull up, pull up.
I appreciate the advice, but can we just get back to work?
Hey, watch it!
Best assignment ever.
Just try not to be 12 years old, okay?
There's no try. Only do or do not.
Then do. I'll try.
I have a quick meeting with Michael and after that I'm going home.
Would you ask Sutton if we can reschedule?
Yes. Oh, my...
Isabella Fuentes!
Oh, man, I... I love you.
I love your work.
Did the 2004 Swimsuit Issue,
I mean, that was like your Sergeant Pepper's.
Thank you. If you'll excuse me, I'm not feeling well.
No, no, no, look, I won't take up a whole lot of your time.
I was just curious where you stood on dating civil servants?
You're scaring her.
Ask anyone who's made an enemy of me, Sutton,
if they don't dearly regret that decision.
What are we, opening a Wal-Mart?
Call Damian. Have him send Romana another gift basket.
No food.
Miss Harris, I'm Myka Bering,
this is Pete Lattimer, we spoke on the phone regarding Anya Verdikov.
Have you found her?
I told her I'd take care of her.
Do you have any idea what happened?
We were hoping you might know.
I mean, was she acting at all strangely?
Well, was there anyone new that she might have come into contact with?
No one. She'd been staying away from people.
Why?
Just before Milan, Anya said she was coming down with the flu.
If you'll excuse me, I'm not feeling well.
Isabella. Pete?
Isabella.
You're nothing if not persistent.
I... You don't look so good.
Your pickup lines are getting worse.
I need you to come with me.
I think you might be in danger.
What are you talking about...
Are you okay, Isabella?
I'm sorry. I must be getting a fever.
I've just got to get out of here.
Hey.
I'm burning... Ah!
Pete? Pete!
Pete? Pete, what's happening?
Get an ambulance.
It was nothing, girls. Just some poor old woman who took a fall.
What's the matter with you?
It just happened, you know. It was like a nightmare.
I couldn't help and I just had to stand there and watch, Artie.
Pete, there was nothing you could do. Now listen, get me...
I mean, look, we've seen a lot of bad juju from these artifacts,
but man, this one...
Get your head back in the game.
Get me a sample of her blood right away.
It could lead to whatever artifact is causing this aging thing.
Yeah.
They're keeping a lid on what happened to Isabella for us.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I will be when we find this thing.
I tested her clothes and jewelry. The artifact definitely wasn't on her.
Well, it wouldn't be. She probably got zapped after a fashion show,
like Anya and the others, but why models?
What's the connection? Some hairdryer that they're all using?
No. Anya said, "They stole me,"
as if somebody was doing this to them on purpose.
There are hundreds of people behind the scenes at these things.
And Fashion Week ends in three days and with it goes most of our potential suspects.
All right, so we're going to have to get in on the down low,
smoke out the bad guy. Or girl.
That's easier said than done.
What?
I'm just having a thought.
Well, is it a good thought?
Well, I'm going to say yes, you're going to say no, but I'm right and you're wrong.
Oh, hey, Miss Harris.
Look, I think I know a way to find the person who's doing this, okay?
But I'm going to need your help.
Hey, so how'd we do?
You tell me.
Holy crap.
Welcome to the runway.
One day you're in, the next day...
Yeah, yeah, we get it.
There's backstage where the models change during the show.
I hope you don't mind taking your clothes off in public.
Let me go sell you to Damian.
I just don't understand why I had to be the model.
First of all, I don't have the legs for a dress like that.
A model and her manager won't stand out.
Oh, please, nobody's going to believe that I'm a model, Pete.
I don't know how to do this.
Just act like everyone's been put on the Earth to serve you.
That's idiotic.
Just like that. Perfect.
No, no, no, no, no! I couldn't possibly work with a new girl.
I'm all about rapport, Sutton. You can't have rapport with someone fresh off the farm.
She's an undiscovered treasure.
That's fine.
No one has even seen her yet.
Don't you want to be the first to bring her into the sun?
Fine. Let me see her.
I don't understand. Is she behind the fat girl?
Trust me, Damian.
For you, Sutton, darling, anything.
Myka Burton, top women's fashion designer, Damian Jardin.
I'm going to have to ask you to lay off the milkshakes, precious.
What's this?
Oh, hey, I'm Pete Lawson. I'm Myka's...
Personal assistant, does whatever I tell him. Isn't that right?
Yes, ma'am.
Speaking of slaves, Jenny!
Yes, Damian?
This one, new photos.
Andale.
Damian.
Let me see that dress.
Good luck.
Thank you. Thank you.
Well, you are officially embedded.
Coffee?
Oh, no, thanks. I'm jittery enough as it is.
No. I meant for me, black, no sugar.
Andale.
Go.
Hello. I'm Gunther. Oh, hi.
Here to take your pictures.
Ready to be beautiful?
Here we go. That's right.
Beautiful.
Give me a little smile. There you go.
Who's that?
Sutton's latest find for Damian.
Didn't we just get rid of the last latest find?
What did Anya ever do to you?
Just so we're clear, Damian, I burn brightest.
Little fat girls aren't going to sell your rags like I do.
Of course. Of course. Relax, Romana, you'll get wrinkles.
We're not getting any younger.
Why doesn't some thoughtful psychopath kill her for me?
It's like a game of gay Clue.
Careful. We don't need much for a full chemical analysis.
Can you explain to me again why I'm doing this
and you're cowering 10 feet away.
I don't like blood.
You picked the wrong line of work.
You have no idea. Really?
Moving on.
Gently. Gently. Put the needle gently into that mass spectrometer.
Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Hello? God!
Hey.
Let me guess. Todd.
Okay. Okay, bye.
Well?
I took your advice.
What advice? I gave no advice.
I'm meeting Todd later,
a cup of coffee, slice of pie, you know.
You have a date? No.
It's more like a, you know, pielcoffee summit.
Fix the economy, solve world peace, I could cancel.
Go. Yeah?
Go.
Okay.
Oh, Claudia?
Yeah?
Um, you know, be yourself.
Thanks.
Jeez! Oh!
I was just looking at your photos.
Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I've just had too much caffeine today.
Well, pretty strong for a model.
Most of these girls get winded just by pushing an elevator button.
Well, I eat food.
Gunther took these, right?
Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. He did.
He's got a real eye.
Just tell him to put a star filter next time.
It'll bring out your eyes more.
Oh, you're a photographer?
Freelance.
You're Sutton's new girl, right? Yes.
You're a natural.
You have a gift.
I have a gift.
Hey, how many of these things can you drink, anyway?
Oh, I'm not actually drinking them,
I just like making you go get them.
Nice. So what did you find?
I checked a few of the dressing rooms.
Nobody's got the picture of Dorian Gray hanging up for decoration.
Well, the real one's in the Warehouse anyway.
Is that what that is?
Man, I got to stop looking at that.
Pete.
Right. I did find out that Romana hated Anya.
Really? Well, you know, it's a tough business.
Maybe she's eliminating the competition.
Why don't you go distract her
so I can check her dressing room?
But I don't know how to distract her.
Ask her for tips on torturing your assistant.
So, what's your favorite movie?
God, I hate that.
Yeah, me, too.
I mean, there's like eight billion different movies, right?
I mean, you can never pick just one,
and then am I telling you my real favorite movie or just randomly picking
the first movie that pops into my head? Godfather.
So what high school did you go to?
What do you mean?
What high school did you go to?
Why all the questions about my past?
It was just one question. You made me ask it twice.
So, what can I get you guys?
A BLT, please.
Okay.
I would like the chili, extra onions.
Thanks.
Guess no goodbye kiss, huh?
What?
The onions. Bad breath, kissing, it's a bad joke. Sorry.
No. I mean, yes, I could get it to go.
No, no, no. Eat it later.
After non-onion breath kissing.
Not that I'm expecting kissing.
Not that I was expecting kissing. Me, neither.
Or not. Or maybe.
I should have ordered grilled cheese.
What am I doing here?
I am clearly a closed book with bad breath
who's too freakish to live and I... No!
Oh, my God.
She wants this to go.
Hi, there. My name's Myka,
we met the other day in Sutton's office.
Tell Damian it'll do.
I was just wondering if you had any, you know, sisterly advice.
My advice? Spanx.
You know, I'm always amazed
at the correlation between being beautiful,
and being a complete bitch.
Being a successful model isn't about beauty
and it certainly isn't about the clothes.
Well, then what's it about?
When I walk down the runway,
with one look, I could stop a war.
Or start one.
I make people want something that I have,
because when I'm out there,
I tear out my soul and I offer it for everyone to see.
You think you can do that, sister?
Jenny, the schedule! Please!
I'll be right there.
Booyah, Buddha.
I don't suppose you gave the same sisterly advice to Anya?
Anya should have stayed in Russia and stuck with what she knew.
Borscht and bread lines.
Sounds to me like you're glad she's dead.
You're very nosy.
No. I'm just curious about the people I work with.
Hmm. I wonder if the next girl will ask what happened to you?
It's all over, Jenny.
What are you talking about?
Is that it? Oh, crap.
Jenny? Yeah.
Why are you doing it?
I'm not hurting anybody.
Then you've got a pretty whacked out definition of hurt, lady.
They can afford to pay.
Is that how Anya paid? With her youth?
How did you kill her, Jenny?
I didn't kill Anya. She wasn't even a customer.
A customer? Look, how is the Buddha aging the models?
What are you talking about?
Diet pills.
Diet what now?
Hey, easy, that's...
Filled with teeny tiny pills.
You're peddling diet pills?
They're the good ones.
Not legal here yet. I get them on the black market
for the...
You're not here about the diet pills, are you?
Okay, look, here's what you're going to do. You're going to go home,
you're going to call in sick and you're going to stay there until you hear from me
or you'll be explaining that little bobble-headed Buddha to the DEA.
Or I can hook you up if you let me go.
You could lose those extra five pounds by, like, tomorrow.
I don't have an extra five pounds.
Right.
Go.
Okay. Yeah.
Myka, we're running out of time.
I know.
I couldn't believe it when you finally called.
The anticipation has been interminable.
You said you found her, the one.
Yes, she's perfect.
Oh, good, you're here.
Well, the blood sample that Pete sent over has got trace elements of
silver nitrate in it, which is not commonly found in human blood.
What does that mean? I have no idea. So...
How was your date?
It was perfect.
Well, good. Good.
So, as I was saying, human blood doesn't...
Actually, no kind of blood has silver...
What?
What kind of advice is, "Be yourself"?
Artie, that's the worst advice I've ever heard,
because myself, is a giant freakazoid with no past
and no real interests outside of my top secret job,
which I can't talk about. Oh, and I like onions!
Hey, Myka, can I come in? Are you decent?
You know what, screw it, I'm coming in.
Whoa.
Don't you dare laugh.
No, no, I'm so not laughing.
Listen, I don't want you to go out there.
I'm having some wicked bad vibes,
and whatever, you know, whammy's being done to the models,
maybe it's when they're walking the runway.
Okay? So it's just... It's too dangerous.
Okay.
What? No fight? No argument?
No punching me in my soft spots?
No. No. I just... I'm not going to go out there.
What's going on?
Well, like you said. It's dangerous.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't ever listen to me.
Okay, I can't, because I...
I can't stop an army and I can't,
you know, show people my soul.
What are you talking about?
Oh, okay, some girls took fencing lessons, right?
And read books and studied and became Secret Service agents.
And that...
That out there, that is...
That is not me.
Why not?
Um...
Because, you know,
I'm not the pretty one.
Who was the pretty one?
My sister.
Ah, Tracy.
Yeah, she's the cheerleader. And the Homecoming Queen.
You know, she was the one that...
She was the one that all the boys were crazy about.
She could do this.
All right. Turn around.
Why? Because if I'm going to say this to you,
I can't say it with you looking at me so just turn around.
I'll turn around.
I can't say it to the back of your head either.
So, uh...
Myka, you are a stunningly beautiful woman.
The day that I met you, I said, "What? I'm not going to be able to work with her.
"I won't be able to stop staring at her."
But then I got to know you and I realized that,
you're even more beautiful than I could see.
And if that, you know, little teen fencer,
could see what a beautiful woman that she would become,
she would know that it's her sister that should be jealous.
Good to go?
Oh, I am good to go.
All right, all right. Okay. Goodbye.
Wait a minute, I came here to talk you out of it.
Myka, come here!
There you are. Where were you?
Arby's? Andale. Get out there.
Go! Go!
Okay.
You're on.
Oh, she's wearing the killer dress.
Oh, Damian, you bastard!
Dress. It's the dress.
Dress!
Get your hands off me.
You switched the dresses. Why?
It's my show. I do what I want.
Where's my whistle?
Is that how you're doing it? Huh?
What is it, Lizzie Borden's dress or something?
I don't know what you're talking about.
You are going to tell me everything.
All right. All right.
I gave her the killer dress. I knew it.
Romana and I started out together. We were friends.
Now she treats me like a minion.
Rude, dismissive, snide comments about my work.
What?
Yes. I gave my best dress to the new girl.
I hope it hurt, like you've hurt me.
I did it! I did it!
You didn't even need your sword.
Not bad.
I am not fat.
Give me that on stage. That's what I want.
So nothing but dead ends back here.
Look, there was an older woman in the crowd out there.
Rich, biggest ruby earrings I have ever seen
and there's something about the way that she was looking at me.
Well, let's go have a look at her, shall we?
Okay. Oh, wait. Just...
Will it hurt?
Hey. Are you okay?
Pete? I'm burning up.
Oh, my God. No. Myka, stay with me.
No, no, no, stay with me, Myka!
No. Myka, stay with me.
Stay with me, Myka. Myka!
It was worth every penny.
Hey.
Hey, hey.
It's still me, Claud.
Are you in pain?
Other than a sudden desire to hit the early bird special, I'm fine.
What are we going to do?
How is she?
She doesn't have much time.
Isabella died about an hour ago.
From old age, Artie. She was 22.
What do you need to undo this?
A sample of Myka's blood would be...
What else?
Silver nitrate.
It's in Myka's blood, too. Exactly the same as Isabella's.
Silver nitrate?
I know it's a compound that was used as a disinfectant
before the development of antibiotics.
Wait, wait, wait, it was also used
to manufacture photographic film.
Hey, hey, I was doing something.
Yeah, Gus used to say, Gus was a former Warehouse agent, and he used to say,
that there was a camera that belonged to... There!
Man Ray.
I'm on it. Give me an address.
He's dead. He's dead. What?
Yeah. He was a photographer in the 1930s.
Guy shot some wicked cool pics.
Contemporary of Salvador Dali,
except that Ray was into photographic surrealism,
and Gus used to say that one of Ray's last cameras had artifact properties.
It's just... We never found it.
Oh, so then it's got to be one of the photographers.
Which brings us back to what Claudia was doing before Artie so rudely took her computer.
I hacked into the fashion show's security cameras.
Now let me just get a good angle. There. That guy.
Check the camera. Not exactly state Right.
Now, look, as soon as he takes Myka's picture, he walks.
It's him.
Can I interest you in changing your long distance carrier?
No, thanks.
Can I interest you in staying alive?
Huh? Where is it?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I said, where is it?
Claudia, Man Ray's.
Jackpot.
And that is not all.
Hey, hey, hey, Myka said there was an old lady,
giving her the stink eye and she had on huge ruby earrings.
This camera doesn't just steal people's youth,
it transfers it to another person.
You've been peddling a second chance at life.
How does the camera work, huh?
How does the camera work?
Pete, lay off, we might need this guy.
All right.
You double expose a younger photograph over someone old.
The process is almost instantaneous.
Myka and the others didn't change right away.
No, no, that would be a little too public, wouldn't it?
What you did is you figured out how to do it later.
Something to do with the development process, right?
Did you hear the question? Do you doubt that my friend wants to beat you to death?
It works retroactively if I wait and use the developer.
The silver nitrate.
Right? The silver nitrate.
But why models? I mean, why not just snap pictures of anonymous young people?
You ever heard the expression "make love to the camera"?
A model has a gift.
She bears her soul, opens up.
And Manny's camera captures it, reacts to it.
How do we turn Myka back?
Look out!
Artie?
They told me what happened.
You, young man, have to stop playing with fire.
Yeah. Close call.
I didn't need the Phoenix this time. I remembered to duck.
Mmm!
Doctors say you're doing great.
Liar.
How are you?
I just wish I could see my mom and dad.
They could never cope with this.
Artie, I just want to tell you
that I know I've been hard on you sometimes...
Don't. Okay?
Don't start that.
I'm not giving up on you. Don't you give up.
All right, listen, we have to find this ruby earring woman.
We have to take a new photograph of her young and superimpose it,
on a photograph of old Myka.
It might switch her back?
Well, I'm in his bank account.
He hasn't touched anything since the last deposit, but...
Something?
Well, he's got a serious crush on someone.
He's had flowers delivered from the same shop three times this week.
Does it say to who?
Well, no, this just lists his transactions.
Romana. What?
Romana had flowers delivered to her and she wasn't very happy with whoever sent them.
I'm on it. I'm on it. See?
Even at 90, you are a crack agent.
Pete, wait. What if you find him and he doesn't tell you who he sold Myka's youth to?
Do we find someone else? Take someone else's youth?
I mean, someone bad?
He'll tell me. Go!
Consider me an ex-fan of Man Ray.
Manny's.
What?
Perry didn't say, "Man Ray's camera."
He said, "Manny's."
So?
Romana?
Oh, Perry, you scared me half to death.
I don't have much time. I need you to listen to me. What do you want?
I think you know.
We've been through this.
You and I, we're never going to happen.
That's right. I'm not your type, am I?
Rich and powerful. Well, guess what, I'm both now.
What is that supposed to mean?
I never used the camera for financial gain.
What camera? Until I met you.
You know what? I have to go.
I'm finally wealthy enough now
to have the most beautiful woman in the world.
You'll never have that much money.
Don't you understand?
Everything I did was for you, for us, to be together.
Just let go of me. Let go of me.
Hey!
You've had Man Ray's camera for a long time, haven't you?
In fact, you actually knew Manny.
I modeled for him when I was 22 years old.
He gave me that camera.
I kept it all these years.
And that's how you discovered its
restorative properties, hmm?
And the first person that turned young was you.
I look pretty good for 98.
And how many innocent lives did your vitality cost?
I would imagine you double exposed my image with your friend's.
You've been young long enough.
Back again.
Oh.
Are you okay?
Well, yeah, thanks to you guys.
Well, you know, it's in my contract.
If my partner turns into a senior citizen,
and I don't do anything about it, I lose like six vacation days.
Yeah. I didn't really.
It was all about the vacation.
Yeah.
I'm so glad to see you looking like the old you.
I mean, the young, old you, not the old, old you.
Come on, gramps, you're having one of your mini strokes again.
You are aware that I'm your boss, right?
Yeah.
Yes, crabby. Come on.
Um, Pete. Yes?
You know, I just want to say thank you.
Well, you're welcome.
Not, not, not, not for...
For what you said before the show.
Right. We don't ever have to mention that again.
Right. Remember you said that I...
La, la, la. Can't hear.
But I... I think that we should... I think that I would really...
Okay.
No cream.
Why are we doing this? You don't see enough of me?
Sit down.
I owe you an apology.
You owe me lots of apologies.
Which one's nagging at you right now?
The one about Todd.
Not a big deal. It doesn't matter. Oh, yeah, it is.
It does matter, because he's really a good kid and I should be able to help.
You didn't make me a train wreck.
You are not a train wreck, Claudia.
I just sometimes forget that underneath the talented computer programmer
and fearless junior Warehouse agent,
there beats the heart of a teenage girl
who deserves, well, someone better than me for a...
Father figure.
Oh! Oh, my God.
You're not doing so bad.
Well, I...
I could do a little better. I'll do... Yeah, I could do better.
Sometimes you are so cute.
Don't do that. I hate that word.
Don't use that word, "Cute." I'm not cute.
Well, I am relieved. When you said, "Meet me at the diner,"
I thought you'd arranged some lame meet with me and Todd.
Uh...
Todd.
What a remarkable coincidence.
Hey.
I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I really like chili.
Artie, get out.
Yeah, leaving.